In the liner notes for her album Lead Me On, Amy Grant tells her son Matt firstly, how glad she is to "finally see him face to face". How I can relate...I talked to Evan just about every day in my tummy during those long months. I remember watching Amelie move around in my tummy when I laid back in the bathtub, and I told her how we couldn't wait for her to "get here".
But she also mentions how she wants them to know "how their Mama felt about things". I guess that is part of the reason I want to keep this blog, and hope it will be even more special to them than a baby book filled with facts about their "firsts", because I am hopefully expressing how all of these events in their development bring me such extraordinary joy.
To that end, I've thought about either deleting all the posts that aren't about "joy" (i.e. are about stress!) when this is all over and I'm ready to share this blog with them....or not blogging about those feelings anymore. Well, for starters, that is just not an option. I use this space as much to process my feelings as to record events in their lives and my reaction to them. And in the end, I want them to know that even in the times when bringing them up was challenging, I loved them to pieces.
And who knows? Maybe sharing my parenting challenges and how I tried to react to them as "my best self" will help them with their own parenting someday. Sharing only the cute moments gives their story a disingenuous feeling. (It's not like they never see their Mama lose her cookies, much as I work to not do that in front of them). Life with Evan and Amelie is amazing. Having my children has made my life richer and more joyous than I ever could have imagined. And they are teaching me lessons I probably never would have learned without them.