Friday, August 28, 2009

Fall

I historically hate fall. I just have a really hard time with it. Feeling the warmth leave the air, watching the days grow shorter, it's all just so melancholy to me. And most of all, with the change, I can't help but think about the impending winter. I know that sounds so crazy, since winter is months away...I waste an entire season (and a very pretty one at that, here in New England) dreading another one. But I suppose you could understand, even if you aren't disabled yourself...that being so much less mobile, so much more house-bound, and having each outing take so much more physical and mental energy...would depress anybody. ;-)

All that said, I am very hopeful for this fall season. Both of our children are now sleeping in their own beds, which means Kevin and I both get a much more restful sleep. (Kevin gets less sleep than I do because of the number of hours he works planning his classes, but even his smaller amount of sleep is more comfortable now ;-). Right now, Evan is on a play-date at the house of a new friend from playschool.

He starts his full days on Tuesday and Thursdays next week. (We hope he'll love it as much as he has on his visits, even after he realizes Daddy won't be staying with him at preschool anymore). Amelie is sitting coloring at the dining room table. It is such a sweet, peaceful time. Amelie will have me all to herself for the first time ever in her little life. She will have a space to play and explore on her own, without anyone directing her, or taking her toys when she is playing. She and her brother love each other very much, and have a lot of fun together, but naturally there is a fair amount of time when her older sibling can be overwhelming. So I'm excited for her to have this time on her own this year, before she starting going to preschool with her brother.

I'm also hoping there will be a change in me. I'm on Wellbutrin, because I realized that my reaction to my stress was over the top, even though I know feeling stressed by taking care of two toddlers by myself on crutches is totally normal! I'm going to use my light box again, when we head into the shorter days with less light. I'm hoping that, coupled with a break from the intensity of watching two children, one with an incredible amount of energy and penchant for looking for something to do that he shouldn't be, will help me feel less overwhelmed this year. And mostly, I am hoping all of this will help me have the focus and energy to be a more focused, engaged, better parent.

Evan and Amelie are doing more and more new things every day. They are acting so grown up! Amelie has such nice manners, she doesn't just say "no" to something she doesn't want, she says "no, THANK YOU". Unfortunately, this is also something she says to a request to do something she doesn't want to do. ;-) And as maddening as the non-compliance can be, it also is just so freakin' cute...its hard to stay stern about my expectations sometimes. (This is definitely my biggest challenge, the fact that I can't physically pick them up and direct them to what I want them to do when they are refusing).

So fall is just about here...I can't believe it. But here we go!

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